The Bachelorette and Me Partie Trois: Analysis
So to help myself better understand I feel like I must do some good old fashioned analysis about this tragic tale of heartbreak and how it relates to my own.
- I feel like both stories are about timing. Both situations were not doomed to fail for any reason other than all parties not being at the right place at the right time. I was young and looking so far ahead into the future that I completely spooked myself out of being ready to just go with the flow and loosen my control over myself and love. Deanna and Graham needed time too. And they needed things to develop naturally. A reality show was not the place for that to happen. Deanna wanted to put things on high speed and so did I, something we also have in common.
- I think it is interesting how both men decided not to try and have friendships with us Scorpios. Is it because we hurt them and didn’t give them chances to prove themselves originally? Is it because they know that we will never be happy with being JUST friends? And that even if we are happily with someone else, well, there will still always be that fire?
- Lonely. The guys are lonely. They want love, but I think they have such a hard time finding it because in some way they are the most romantic out of us all. It is as if they are searching for the perfect love. And they are lonely because it doesn’t exist. I think Romeo and I would be some of the two best suited people. My friends call it Yin and Yang, meaning opposites attract. From what I have gathered throughout the five years (?) that I have now liked my Sag, we are fundamentally similar, he used to say what I was thinking in class or we would say something at the same time and my friends would sit there and snicker at the ridiculousness. I mean shit! We ended up in the same college right down the hall from each other! There are so many things that give me hope to hold on, except the most important thing…him and his affections. So then what is perfect love? I wish it for both of them, Graham and Romeo. And I am sorry that he will never give himself the chance to find it with me.
- I am slowly becoming okay with the lack of closure. I am learning to forgive myself for not being ready and learning to forgive him for not trusting me. I am forgiving myself for letting my fear overcome my sense of fun and spontaneity. And lastly, I think my ever changing nature made him feel like if he wanted someone to finally trust and open up to, well I was not it. No matter how many people I am that person for, I could not be that person for him because I was too afraid to let MY guard down and be disappointed once again.
-I don’t think he “hates” me. I think he is angry that I make him feel things he doesn’t want to feel when we fight and he gets tense and frustrated with me. I think he is convinced that happiness will not be found with someone who has always shown him how miserable she is…(without him of course). But I don’t think he realizes that emotions cannot be felt in your head or processed correctly that way. We are emotional beings and the more we disconnect from our feelings in an attempt to fain apathy, the less our hearts and souls can survive. We cannot be Meursault. He is fictional. And though I applaud you for trying, you’ll never feel more alive than when your body, mind, emotions, and spirit are all congruent. And I know it might take some time to learn that, because believe me you will seek a happier way of life (the emptiness behind those eyes isn’t fooling anyone), but when you do you will respect life more and you will respect me more, and finally see that I am not just some crazy bitch who cannot control her emotions. And maybe just maybe you will see that as you grow and learn, so do I. And even though my feelings are just as deep as that girl you first layed eyes on, I have grown an immeasurable amount and hold stronger to who I am today than I ever have before… and yes, I am more fun and funnier each passing day too.
So folks, there is my analysis. There is how I feel and how I think my not-ex feels about me. Thank you for tuning in to this installment of The Bachelorette and Me.
Leave a Reply